I started this post months ago and have been hesitant to share. I don't ever want to come across as someone who claims to have figured out the magnificent and mysterious plan of God. He knows all and sees all and has a plan that involves all of eternity. I will never comprehend it and that makes me look at Him in awe.
But looking back on the 3 years that we waited for our daughter to arrive, I can see that God was preparing us. He used various circumstances to get us ready for her grand and sudden entrance into our family. Check out one incident that happened about 5 months before she was born:
One afternoon in the spring, we received a phone call from our social worker. A baby had been born who needed a home. With very few details, we decided to move forward. A conference call with our attorney and social workers was scheduled for 9 PM.
At this point, I was in shock. In an effort to prepare and process what was happening, I pulled out some baby clothes and went to Target for diapers and formula. I can't say that it helped much. We were about to become parents again overnight!
The conference call lasted about 45 minutes. After finding out more details about the situation, we were left feeling torn. Our attorney's honest assessment of the situation revealed a high legal risk. If we chose to adopt this baby, there was a chance that we would find ourselves in a custody battle. There was a possibility that the baby could be taken from our home someday.
How in the world were we supposed to make this decision overnight? It seemed impossible. Was this a time when we were supposed to take a leap of faith in spite of the lack of peace we were feeling? Was this the baby that we had been waiting for? Or was our lack of peace a sign that this was not the right baby for us?
It probably goes without saying that not much sleep was had that night. The next morning, I spent some time out on our back porch praying. I still did not feel at peace about the situation and neither did my husband. I wanted to move forward. I wanted to be able to feel confident about getting in the car and going to get that baby. But I didn't.
I called our social worker in tears and told her no. It was horrible. I second-guessed our decision. How could I turn away from something that I had wanted for so long?
But the bottom line was that neither of us felt a peace about the situation. As days passed by, we eventually became more confident in the decision we had made.
Fast forward 5 months...
We received a phone call about a baby that had been born who needed a home.
Dejavu, right?
We moved step by step through the situation, and 22 hours later brought our daughter home.
I believe that God used the situation in the spring to prepare us for our daughter's arrival. It was a sort of "dry run," so to speak. There were details about our daughter's situation that made it clear that she was the one for us. Details that gave us the courage to move forward into what God had for us.
I am often reminded of the lyrics by Steven Curtis Chapman:
"God is God and I am not. We can only see a part of the picture He's painting."
It is cool to be able to look back and catch a glimpse of what He was weaving. I know that there is SO MUCH MORE of the tapestry of my life and our daughter's life and her birth family's life that is hidden from me. I don't know all of the whys and hows. I am ok with that. It is part of what makes God, GOD, right?