I always look forward to summertime.
I love the relaxed schedule.
The "Famously Hot" weather
The smell of pool water
Time away with family.
Extra long days
Ice cream.
This month has been rough though. I feel weighed down. My thoughts are swirling about the future...swirling about the present that hasn't quite turned out the way I envisioned.
My son recently turned 5. While we celebrated another fantastic year with him, I fought feelings of sadness. Fear. Here is a peek at what was going on in my head:
"Oh my goodness. He is FIVE!! School-age... and he doesn't have a brother or sister... I never thought my kids would be so far apart in age... I wanted them to be close... Does this mean that we will NEVER have another child? Is it too late?! AND... I am turning 40 this year!! I was supposed to be done with the baby stage by now! What am I doing?! Is God trying to tell me that we are done? That are family is complete?"
I eventually told my husband some of my crazy thoughts. HIs response: "You are being lied to."
He was dead on.
Because of some recent adoption disappointments, I had gone into full-blown panic mode. I made assumptions that simply are not true:
Our family is complete.
I am too old for someone to want to parent their baby.
We have passed the optimal window of time to add to our family.
I will never be happy.
I am doomed to be miserable as I envy other families with more children.
And the list goes on.
Satan had gotten me good. He had convinced me (almost) that I had everything to fear and that my world was coming to an end. He succeeded in stealing some of my joy as we celebrated a very important time in our family's life: the birth day of our son.
I am so thankful for the wisdom and honesty of my husband. His words were the beginning of healing.
So once I realized I was under a spiritual attack, what did I do?
I went to church. I didn't want to. I thought I would cry as soon as I entered to worship center... and, well, I did cry. And then I asked a friend to pray with me. The Holy Spirit gave her the exact words to pray over me. It was beautiful...and a super powerful weapon against the enemy.
I read my Bible and devotionals. The words of God are my weapon against Satan's attacks. They soothe my anxious spirit.
I replaced the lies with truth. The verse "The truth shall set you free" has taken on new meaning for me. I was in a prison of fear and anxiety and despair. I began to meditate on words of truth...truth about how much God loves me (perfect love casts out fear)...about how my peace and joy are not dependent on my circumstances...about how Jesus lives inside me and life is not hopeless.
As I continue praying and meditating on the Word, I am being released form Satan's grip. Praise God!
The battle is not over. It will not be over until I get to heaven. But it's ok because God is on my side!
This difficult season has been a good reminder of the importance of walking DAILY with Christ. I am have been reminded of how crucial it is for me to read the Bible every day. As I read and pray, my mind becomes more like Christ.
Thank you, Jesus, for giving me the weapons to fight!